When you say ,,I do" to another person, you are simple saying to that person that you are willing to entrust the remaining part of your life to this person, including the children you shall have and every thing that is important to you.Marriage in essence is trust and man cannot marry without trust That is the whole purpose of dating .it is during dating that one learns to establish trust.If I have a question about your character or motives , we are going to continue dating until we are clear about all the issues we have to be clear about.you have to disassociate from the past relationships and begin to build dreams together.you need to have a visionary dream .you need to sit down and begin to plan for example how many children should we have ,what are your values , what are your family values?What is it that God is giving you as a vision?what vision do you have for your relationship because without a vision you cannot have a long interesting relationship.Two of you have to agree on a vision and work together towards achieving it .you cant live with a retro vision it only drives you backwards .you must leave with a forward vision and when you have had your heart broken or has been disappointed in the past and then you enter into a new relationship and you bring all the baggage of the last relationship and your new relationship is put under so much stress.Dating takes care of all that so that this stress is not brought into the marriage. Marriage itself has so much challenges so it is better to deal with the ones you can deal with during the dating period.The only way this can work is to make Jesus Christ the pillar of your relationship.only him can heal the past wounds and not allow it to affect your present relationship.The reason I am saying this is that most times when we are in a difficult situation, we make what I call inner vows to ourselves in order to comfort or protect ourselves from being in that similar situation.we say things like" I will never open myself to anybody or trust anybody again or allow myself to fall in love with anybody again "or No man or woman will ever treat me like that again .,I will never come to this point in my life again I swear "!! and that my dear readers is a sin we commit without knowing because according to Mathew 5 "Again you have heard ,you shall not swear falsely but you shall perform your oath to the Lord but I say to you do not swear at all either by heaven for it is Gods throne or by the Earth for it is his footstool or by Jerusalem for it is the city of the great King nor shall you swear by your head for you did not make one hair white or black but let your yes be yes and your no, No.for what ever is more than this is from the Evil one.
You may wonder what is the sin in saying things like "I will never allow any body to hurt me again " After you have been badly hurt by somebody?The thing is that when you make statements like that ,you are swearing to be in charge of your life from then on and when you are in charge of your life, where does God come in?How will He then turn what seems bad experience in your life to something good and the worst thing about unprocessed pain is that you become unteachable and build a huge wall of protection about yourself and and this, weather you like it or not will affect your subsequent relationships because you are not healthy.You have kept a hurt locked up in a place that God cannot get into and in this darkness Satan will feed on this oath you made and that will keep destroying every relationship you come into .All this can be discovered during dating especially if you date somebody whose heart is stayed on the lord. this sin can only be resolved and forgiven if you go back to that oath you made and ask God for forgiveness for making that kind of a decision
and tell Him that you repent of it and ask Him to help you forgive and let go of the hurt and the person who hurt you.and ask specifically to help you to make or have a healthy relationship without the baggage from previous hurtful relationships. Ask God to teach you how to respond to pain ,how to respond to a female or male.and purposely break those inner vows.this is a prayer that couples that are dating should pray before they get into marriage.During the dating period, couples should pray together to God to open their eyes to know the purpose why God has brought the two of you together.A good christian dating before Marriage always ends up with a good long lasting Marriage relationship.
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